Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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