O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
