How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize