Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
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