i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
