There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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