it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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