that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
