I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
