btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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