fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
