I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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