I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
