I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
