my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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