I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
