How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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