I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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