wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I wish you could order shots online.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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