The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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