Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
pop tarts are not kleenex
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
