Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I think weed is turning my hair brown
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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