god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
