i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
