Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
