From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
