I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm always down for nudity.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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