Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
