Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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