Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
