The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
