how can u be prego again
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
