you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
