If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize