Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
