Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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