My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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