somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize