So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
