im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
