she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
