it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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