he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
im holly from the hills drunk
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Randomize
