i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
