I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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