There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
