1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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