Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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