My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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