we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize