Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize