So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
