I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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