does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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