my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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