She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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