my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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