Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
