That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
We're using joints as your birthday candles
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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