I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
