Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
