Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
