Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
