I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
