I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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