after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize